Author: Christine

I’m regretting…..  yup…  I know it’s not a good thing.. and it just gets me teary eyed…but I am starting to regret some things..   I think we all go through it when we have lost a tripawd…. it is just so gawd dang hard sometimes.  Every day there seems to be a moment… a wave… I wish I knew how to surf.. it would be much easier!! Lol

Yesterday we went to the pet store where we buy our dog food.  We wanted to check out the puppy food in the brand that we have our Maggie on.  It was the first time that we have been to the store since Franklin left us.  We met the lady there.. who always asked how Franklin was.  Of course, I had to tell her that he was running at the bridge.  This is the kind of pet store where you can take your dogs there when you shop.  They loved Franklin.  My sweetie used to take him there shopping for pig ears.  Ok…..  picture this.. Franklin standing in front of the pig ear box.. on his level..at a WHOLE BOX of pig ears!!!  droooooool    My sweetie would say ok.. and he would pick out pig ears one by one and he would give them to Fred to put in the bag…   lmaoooo.  I regret not getting THAT on video!!

Needless to say.. my hubby broke down in the pet store when he looked at the box of pig ears.  Geesh…Men!!!  At least I waited till I was in the car!!!  lol

I have a whole bunch of “little regrets”…..  like not taking him ice fishing one more time, not taking him for more ice cream cones, not taking him to the dog park more often.  But one of my three biggest regrets are:

I regret my decision of just letting Franklin be a dawg when he was diagnosed in September 2012..  I should have had his leg amputated right then.. but I was so un-educated, unknowing, uncertain.  I kept thinking.. “man.. he’s 14!!” But it does make me wonder if we had done the amputation 4 months earlier, would he have gotten the lung mets?  Would he still be here?

I regret not doing the chemo…   I read so many success stories on this site of puppies and kitties having chemo and going through it with flying colors!  And they are still with their owners being the damn cutest tripawds on the planet!  And that is the coolest thing and it makes me smile!!  Yet,  the other part of me wishes I could be posting those posts and blogs as well…   But then again, there are many of us here who chose not to do the chemo as well.  I just wonder if we had done chemo, would he still be here?

I regret not getting another dog sooner… last year.  It certainly would have helped Maggie get through the loneliness that she is going through.  It will be interesting on Thursday when we get the pup though.. lol  Oh we will be posting some pictures of that.. lol

Thought I would share a few more memorable pics of my Frankie….

Did you know my Franklin was a model?  My girlfriend makes hot/col corn packs.  They have a removable cover and can be used from the freezer or the microwave.   When Franklin tore his knee, she made him one.  He loved it!  I also used it for him when he had his amputation.

Here he is the day we got him from the SPCA on November 20, 2005.  6 years old..

This was his spot at the end of the deck… he was watching the backyard.. making sure those squirrels did not invade and take over the kingdom!

And one of my favs.. of ying and yang… Maggie and Franklin.. always touching butts,  or head to butt, when they were sleeping together.. lol

bark atcha later

My sweet boy is home… I brought him home today.. and I can honestly say that I feel complete again.  Just knowing that he is back in the house with us is a relief… a comfort..  and yet can be so painful sometimes looking at that box….

Yes.. I cried like a baby again when I picked him up… I sat in the car hugging his cedar box to my chest.. loving him up again… talking to him out loud…telling him that I miss him so much.. and I will always love him. 

Yea.. call me crazy dog lady.. I don’t care.. no one understands except you guys and gals here.. and of course other crazy dog lady’s.  lol

But he’s home… where he belongs.  I got his paw print done too.  It turned out very well.. I was very pleased.  I even cried a little harder when I noticed that there was some of his hairs in the clay… That was an extra little bonus I think!!

Funny things have happened over the last week..   My sweetie swears he heard the “thump, thump, thump” of him coming down the ramp in to the bedroom while were were sleeping… He swears he heard it…  and I am positive that he probably did.  It all depends on what you believe in.. and I believe in many things that people close their minds to.  I believe in spirits, ghosts, afterlife, whatever you want to call it.  I’ve had experiences that have confirmed my beliefs.  And that is ok if people don’t believe.  We believe in Rainbow Bridge… so why wouldn’t we believe in other things too?

Needless to say.. I know this guy is here to visit sometimes… yea… call me crazy dog lady… I don’t care.  lol

Thursday night I went to bed after my sweetie and he was just a snoring… lol..   I nudged up to him to get him to roll over and he said, in his sleep, “Hey Mr. Magoo.”  That’s what he called my handsome guy…  It just made me smile and I hoped that my guy was having some great dreams with Mr. Magoo.

Overall.. it’s been a bit of an emotional day, but it has been good for the heart and soul.  The pictures shows My Frank’n’farter’s paw prints that I did the day he ran for the bridge.  I made 3 sets… of all three paws.  Now I am going to draw his picture on them and paint them…

bark atcha later

terribly.  Every day.  I am looking forward to a new pup in the house.. it will bring happiness and smiles.  But.. I miss him.

I think I am using this blog on Tripawds as something that I can come back to and read when I need to warm my heart with my handsome guy.  It’s something that I can read.. and re-live.. and remember how proud we were of him.  This is a place when I can post how I feel about him without everyone on my Facebook knowing about it.. lol  We all share a common bond, understanding and love for our furbabies here..  it’s a different part of our heart that they steal because they have gone through some pretty amazing adventures.  I have some friends who just don’t understand how deep that bond is when you have gone through the Tripawd journey….

Yea.. I miss MY Tripawd.  I miss…

– the  thump thump thump of him coming down the ramp into the bedroom

– him wandering off at 11pm to his bed because.. it’s bedtime.

– him greeting me at the door when I come home from work.

– him sticking his head into any bags that we bring in the house, Mr. Nosey Rosey trying to find a treat for him….

– his tail wags

– him putting his head on the couch and looking at you to say.. “can I come up now?”

– the jangle of his collar when he hopped along

– him sitting up and giving me his one remaining paw for a pig ear

– walking/hopping in front of us with his head looking back and that tail waggin cause he was the happiest dawg in the morning even though we were dragging our feet to the shower…

– watching him lying at the end of the deck on squirrel patrol

– his rowr, rowr, rowr sound he used to make when he got excited…

– his squeaky toy that he used to carry around and bite to make it squeak

– him lying on the bathmat outside the shower

and most of all.. I miss his farts…

2 weeks ago tonight.. I was snuggling with my pup on the mattress on the floor.. I do wish that I could turn back time for one more snuggle.. one more stroke of his soft head and kiss him one more time between the eyes.

I have all those memories.. I know.. but the pain is so very very fresh….

Yup.. I miss him…. and I will always love him.

While chatting in the chat room… Erica.. Jill’s momma… mentioned she wanted to see my kitty’s toes..   sooo….   I thought.. why not..  I mean.. it’s not like it’s kitty porn or anything.. hahahaha

Felix has 7 toes on his front paws only.  He is declawed since his extra toes were giving him some problems with his nails when he was younger.  So his previous owners decided to remove all his claws on his front paws.

Here’s Mr. Felix… and his paws!!!  And of course.. I had to add the other one.. after I took his picture he had to come up to me and check out what that black thing was in my hand.  and he ended up smudging the lens with his nose!!  lol

shhh.. he’s a little sensitive about his weight!!

Purrr atcha later!

one week today….  and almost to the exact time we were saying goodbye…

I’m sitting here reading through Mr. Magoo’s blog and I said to myself… “hey… self..” 

there is a picture of your sweetie asleep on the couch with the pups… 

there is a picture of your son on the couch too.. 

and.. even my daughter.. 

but.. hey…. where am I????

So.. in honor of my handsome guy… my sweet boy who is tearing up the bridge… I thought I would share…. the dreaded sleeping couch… starring… ME!!!!  and my furbabies…

(who says my animals are spoiled??  huh?)  Frankie still has all his four legs in the one with the four of us…and ok.. I’m not really sleeping.. Maggie and I are watching a movie. Franklin and Diesel are sleeping…

but he is a tri in the one of him and I sharing our blanket..

*sigh*

It has been a long week.  I cry every day at one point.. a wave comes over me and I wish I can hold my sweet boys face just one more time.  But, it is getting easier.  It does get easier, sometimes it takes a while, sometimes you just cry so much in the beginning that you are cried out.   Now when a few tears flow, it is usually involved with a smile.

My Maggie is lost…. She wanders..  I had her outside in the backyard on Friday while we were cleaning out our pond and she picked up one of Franklin’s squeaky toys and wandered into the house holding it in her mouth.  After about 5 minutes she came back outside with it still in her mouth.  She’s looking for him.

Thursday night was terrible.  You wonder what goes on in these furbabies minds.  She was lying on her bed on my side of the bed.. I patted my bed and said.. “Come on Maggie.. wanna snuggle?”  She got up, ignored me, walked around my bed.. and went over to Franklin’s bed.  She laid down on it and whined.

Well of course, you know what happened next.. I lost it.. blubbering idiot again…   Told my sweetie what happened… well.. you know what happened next… another blubbering idiot!!!

Friday night I had a little bit of peace…   funny, and yes I could be obsessed, weird, crazy dog lady.. or just call me a “UWDL” (Undeniable Weird Dog Lover) but like I said, I was kneeling down to sniff Franklin’s scent and say good night..  and what was lying on the carpet  to the left of his bed, right where his head usually pointed.. was a white feather!  If you know anything about the “white feathers when someone passes”  legend.. well, I instantly knew that my sweet boy was A-OKAY!!  He wasn’t hurting, he was having a good time and he was watching out for me.  I believe he sent a sign that he was okay and he was good with our decision.

Decision you ask?  Well… after Maggie’s moment… on Friday morning.. I called the breeder in Sarnia.  We ended up going on a road trip on Monday morning.  Yup.. we will have a new addition to the family in mid-June.   I am NOT replacing Franklin, no one can.  I know that some people will raise an eyebrow and think.. “oh, so soon for a pup!” and others, like my boss will ask… “what took you so long?”  We are dog people.. always will be and I believe that Maggie needs another pack member.. she is not meant to be a lone dog.  She can help train this one.. she is very motherly.. constantly licked Diesel’s and Franklin’s faces when they were here.. .  So we will take this slow..  hopefully she will accept him.. and get a bit of a sparkle back in her eye..  Someone once told me here in one of the posts that puppies bring happiness….

So.. ladies, gents, and tripawds….   Meet Winston……

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=b2Hayn1tNpE

This song sums it up for me….   grab a tissue and share with me, I’m sorry if it will make you cry.   This blog is going to be sad, but I have to post it.  It’s part of the process I think eh?   One day I will come back here with a smile and re-read them all and feel my sweet boys love.

This is my sweet baby boy a few hours before he went to the bridge…   His eyes told me ..  it was time.   Please tell me you see it too…  it is so hard to make that decision.  Hard to believe it was the happy dog running with his ears flapping just a week before!  He and Maggie had a steak dinner before we left.  On the car ride, we stopped by Dairy Delight and had an ice cream cone…   We were beside him… all the way.   Maggie sat behind him …  our vet said that she was watching over him.  The vet got right down on the floor with us, we were sitting and lying on Franklin’s favorite blanket.  He stroked Franklin’s head and said “sweet guy, I knew you would be back soon after what I saw in your xrays”.

The doctor had to use 3.. yes.. THREE injections to get this sweet boys heart to beat for one last time.  After the first shot, I thought to myself.. STOP!!  he’s not ready to go then.. STOP!!!!  But it’s his lungs that failed him… not his heart.  His heart was strong.. so damn strong!!!  His heart was so full of love that it had a strong armor!!  He didn’t feel the last two.. cause he was sleeping peacefully beside me.  The vet had to inject it directly into his heart.  After the second one, the vet just shook his head and said “what a tough little guy, he just won’t give up”.   So he had to do a third one…   and we stroked him.. and talked to him and loved him up to the very last moment.   I kissed and nuzzled the side of his face one more time after he was gone.. and we wrapped him in his blanket.   He had the heart of a great dane, a mastiff, a saint bernard in that sweet soft 40 pound body!!  ♥♥♥♥  

Shirts in the closet, shoes in the hall

Mama’s in the kitchen, baby and all

Everything is everything
Everything is everything
But you’re missing

Coffee cups on the counter, jackets on the chair
Papers on the doorstep, but you’re not there
Everything is everything
Everything is everything
But you’re missing

Pictures on the nightstand, TV’s on in the den
Your house is waiting, your house is waiting
For you to walk in, for you to walk in
But you’re missing, when I shut out the lights
You’re missing, when I close my eyes
You’re missing, when I see the sun rise
You’re missing

Children are asking if it’s alright
Will you be in our arms tonight?

Morning is morning, the evening falls I got
Too much room in my bed, to many phone calls
How’s everything, everything?
Everything, everything
You’re missing, you’re missing

God’s drifting in heaven, devil’s in the mailbox
I got dust on my shoes, nothing but teardrops

Today.. I’m going to lose my best friend….  I just made the call.. the call that I never wanted to make…  but I wanted to make sure that Dr. Plater, his vet, was going to be there for him… I’m going to take his blanket… and his squeaky.. they have to go with him.. they have to.

My sweet pup Franklin did not have a good day yesterday.. or last night… he has gotten to the point where he goes 5-6 hops and then he is wheezing bad….  Nothing stops the wheezing.. I wish I could stop the wheezing… It hurts to see him wheezing so much…  gawd, you know.. I think I have cried more over this sweet soldier of mine than I have my own parents!!

Last night I had to finish making some soap in the kitchen and he would not leave my side..  he had to lie beside me.. so I brought one of the dog beds in and his blanket and he lay there… while I finished up..  If I left the kitchen.. he would follow me…  I went into the tv room for a bit.. and he snuggled on the couch.. and then when I got up.. he did too….   He clung to me .. he’s a mama’s boy…  he’s my handsome boy….

My sweetie Fred was just beside himself… he wishes he could go another day… he says.. let’s see how he is in the morning…   I just smiled and hugged him cause I know he is hoping for just one more day… one more pet on the head.. one more tail wag in the morning for a treat.

We hugged and he said.. “this is it.. isn’t it?”  Yup.. it is..   There were many tears last night… many kleenex’s used…

Last night I took the mattress down off the bed… and we all slept on the floor.  I gave him an extra pain pill and an extra bit of cough syrup for his throat.  We had a few moments through the night.. and then he settled down a bit more..  Maggie was weird though.  Kinda made me think how pack animals act when they know there is a weak one.  Franklin was lying on the mattress.. and she came and laid down.. right on top of his head!!  And he didn’t move!!  I thought.. WTF??  So I moved her.. and she got piffed at me and got down off the mattress and slept beside it…  No way was she coming back up… lol

So, I took the day off today… I called into my work and told them I would not be in..  My sweetie said.. “look.. his tail is wagging, he’s ok.  Let’s wait one more day… ”  If I had one more day with him… that would be just for our own selfishness… and I would regret it.  Seeing him wheezing and struggling just so that we had one more day.  Nope.

My hubby went into work for the morning and he will be home at lunch time..   We are going to take Franklin for some ice cream… Maggie too.  and then we are going to drive down to the vets with all the windows open so that sweet boy of mine can stick his head out the window and lets those ears fly!!

The ride home will be heartbreaking…

F*U*C*K this hurts… yes.. I know.. I swore.. I’m  sorry.. but I just had to type it once.  Actually, I typed it more than that but I used the backspace button a few times….  It hurts to see cancer win… in anyone two legged and four, or three.   It hurts to see his tail wag a bit less… it hurts to see him lying on his bed looking at me with dull eyes…  it hurts knowing how empty the house will be when we get home..

I will miss him terribly…   Actually.. I’ve been missing him for a few days now… he just has not been himself..  I believe he is telling me he is tired…

Like I said before, please send a message to all those beautiful tripawds  and four leggers at the bridge that Franklin is coming.. they will know him when they see him.  He’s the happy one with the tail wagging and the grin on his face… he hasn’t met a dog or cat he hasn’t liked.. so tell them not to be scared… he is just a big goofball.  And if there is a squirrel chase going on.. he’ll be right in the thick of it…  I know he’ll be snuggling with his sleeping buddy Diesel tonight… so all will be well…

of course, I can’t leave without some pictures……

bark atcha later…..

when you see this coming at you while you are sitting on the deck?

I hope you are not getting sick of these posts and pictures..  I seem to be hogging the blog board at this time.. I’m sorry.    But I know that in the future…. this is a place where I can come back and see things.. read things.. remember things… and smile.

And speaking of smiles.. just how can you not smile at these pictures?  I dare you not to smile!!!  It’s hard to believe that this guy is full of cancer… and he is just living life for the moment… !!  This is a great moment!!!  That three legged hop..   those flopping ears…   huge grins!!

If I had a dollar for every time this farting canine made me smile… I’d be a millionaire!!!  Cha ching!  There goes another one!!

Bark atcha later!

It’s amazing how many pictures.. and videos.. you can take of things that you love….

and I LOVE MY DOGS!!!  lol   Yea.. I love my kids too… and I love my sweetie…. and my sisters and my friends… but… My Dogs.. well.. there is no comparison lol

Here’s a picture of my and my guy…hmmmm… eyes a little puffy…. (sigh, this was after a moment)  but we were out on the deck getting ready for a pig ear….   I do not take a good picture!  But Frank’n’farter.. he makes up for it!!