I just sit and cry……
sometimes… I go over things in my head… and the tears well up and I just can’t stop them…
sometimes… I think I am over reacting… too much of a softie.. reprimand myself and say this is all part of life.. now get on with it…
sometimes… I just wish it was all over so that I didn’t have to watch her struggle to get up… and hop to me with that tail wagging and her happy look on her face…
sometimes… I wish that I didn’t have to be the strong one….
sometimes… I wish I was stronger….
sometimes… I wish I would wake up in the morning and find her gone beside us…
sometimes… I put her leash on, as she sits by the door, and we go outside on the side lawn for a 20 foot walk and she comes back inside after she pees
sometimes… I come home from work and she rolls on her back and has a “Maggie Moment”, stretching, twisting and making arrr arrrr arrr sounds..
sometimes… I need to grab my phone and video tape that.
sometimes…. more than once I think that this may be the week.. and that girlie girl seems to get stronger….
sometimes… I feel guilty because I never thought she would make it this far….
sometimes… I feel guilty because part of me hopes she passes before we leave for Cuba on Nov 26. I worry that she won’t get the care while we are gone.
sometimes… I get a horrible feeling in my stomach if she makes it to when we leave, that she will pass without us here!!
sometimes… I wish we weren’t going to Cuba!
sometimes… we play ball on the floor and I roll it to her and she rolls it back with her nose. Just like old times………
sometimes… I just sit and smile at her……
Wow, a lot of emotions. This made me cry
I hit enter too early. see what it did to me. I know you are feeling like you need to stay with Maggie. She will be ok while you are gone for your vacation.
I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug ((((((((((((Chris))))))))))))
Christie, Christine, Christine, …..sometimes you make us laugh…….sometimes you make us cry……. sometimes you make us smile…… sometimes you make our hearts skip a beat……..sometimes your wisdom astounds me…..sometimes the simplicity with which you speak is utterly proufound…….but ALL the time you make us so grateful to be sharing this journey with you.
You jave been on my mind so much lately. But this morning I woke up with you in my heart as well and I was determined to email today. And here you are!!!
I know itr so much easier said than done…and y o u know it all too well…just keep going day by day and TRY not to let your trip enter your mind and distract you from being fully present.
It sounds like she’s just javing some “less good days”, as well as really good days! Yep, the joys of aging! Probably, if it were not for the upcoming rip, you wouldn’t feel quite as stressed….
I agree with Michelle, she’ll be fine…still javing good days and some less good days, but she’ll be fine. And it’s still awhile away, so, again, unless things change drastically, just continue to enjoy those WONDERFUL glorious MAGGIE MOMENTS!!!!!
We love our Maggie Girl too! And that picture…that tongue….she’s a happy girl!!!!
And we ALL want to see those MAGIIE. MOMENTS so get that darn camera out…….PLEASE!!!!!!!
And you don’t have to always be strong….sometimes it’s okay to be less strong….let us hold you up sometimes like you do for all of us,!
Joining Michelle in ((((((((((((((((((((CHRIS))))))))))))))))))
Sally and Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle too!
Yes, Hugs!!!!!! All those feelings, so powerful. So realistic, . I agree, you don’t have to be strong all of the time. I was thinking of you the other day, I found a Canadian penny and when I got on here, I saw Franklin’s banner. Figured he was letting me know he had met up with TY. It is just so hard that our pets live shorter lives tan we do. And harder still that sometimes, we have to make a decision that goes against the very grain of our being. I too remember wondering what was going to happen when we went away. How would I get care for Ty. Hey, you are talking to someone who took her dog for a check up before going away because he is 11. Can you board her at the vet? That may give you some peace of mind. Love from, Lori and TY
Ohhhh Christine this is beautifully said. All those things that we silly humans fill our heads with. . . . and in the meantime our dogs and cats just live life day by day, enjoying the good moments and getting through the bad ones as best they can, without worrying about the future.
Maggie says “LIVE Momma! LIVE!” Go forward with what you have planned (Cuba…I’m so jealous!), no matter what happens if you live in the Spirit of Dog you are honoring her life, her lessons. Make her proud. And give her a hug from us.
Here Here Chris. My Aissa May is doing well, but with her age, there’s a nudge in the back of the mind about what if this is the last time we do… etc. And like Maggie, then she has a moment of that old spark and wiggle and you want to gobble it up and hang on to that moment forever. As for the upcoming trip… you have to live. I think back on things with my Mom before she died.. the what ifs. What if I hadn’t left for college, what if I had stayed at the hospital the night she had her stroke, what if what if ugh. And last year with Brendol, I left for DC for the funeral and the vets thought it would be fine, we’d still have time. But it was her last few good days. What if. In hind sight, I do feel guilty. But I also know that we just don’t know when these things will happen and we have to live. What if, that wasn’t Mom’s last night and I did stay? What if that wasn’t Brendol’s last good weekend and I missed burying my friend? What if Maggie does good for longer than you fear? And that all surpasses your trip? We have to just let it go. Live.
Hugs Chris.
Hugs and more hugs!!! Your post resonated w/how I was feeling last year when I didn’t know if I would be able to leave town for my best friend’s wedding this October if Shelby was still so ill. It is a very hard place to be (and scary too).
But like the others have said, Maggie wants you to live and live well and ‘be more dog’…. Enjoy your trip! Maggie knows you love her to the moon and back so no matter what happens she knows and feels your love!
Jealous about your trip! Have an amazing time … we will all be here for you no matter what!
Hugs and love,
Alison
Christine,
So beautiful, and very moving words…….all the fear, stress, grief, worry, and immense love, sprinkled with a helping of joy is felt in every word…..the only comforting words I have, is that everything works out for a reason, and this all will work out somehow…..maybe in ways we don’t understand all the time but it will work out in the long run……most important, is to follow your heart……
Love,
Bonnie & Angel Polly
Gosh Christ i ne….jist want to come back and DITTO everybody!! Such good insight, so well said. And from so many who have been in that exact position “trip wise”.
Karma really made great points….the “what ifs” really do set us up to lose either way!
And, as Bonnie said, everything happens for a reason. And right now, all signs are pointing to Cuba!